Did the man recently offer you a job? Your friend's uncle? McDonalds (opening 1,000 new stores, due to increased sales, a-woooooo!)? A low-budget film that can't afford to pay you now, but hopes to be able to soon? A hippie at a vegan sandwich shop, who's probably just trying to get into your pants? TAKE IT! THE END IS HERE.
Monday, January 26, 2009
A Million Kajillion Jobs Cut Today
Did the man recently offer you a job? Your friend's uncle? McDonalds (opening 1,000 new stores, due to increased sales, a-woooooo!)? A low-budget film that can't afford to pay you now, but hopes to be able to soon? A hippie at a vegan sandwich shop, who's probably just trying to get into your pants? TAKE IT! THE END IS HERE.
Did the man recently offer you a job? Your friend's uncle? McDonalds (opening 1,000 new stores, due to increased sales, a-woooooo!)? A low-budget film that can't afford to pay you now, but hopes to be able to soon? A hippie at a vegan sandwich shop, who's probably just trying to get into your pants? TAKE IT! THE END IS HERE.
Monday, January 12, 2009
COBRA is Unaffordable? WHAAAAAA?!
Thanks for pointing this out, Washington Post. I thought it looked like my COBRA insurance would cost $19 more than my rent every month, but I wasn't sure. This helps.
Caution when crossing the street is the new health insurance.
Thanks for pointing this out, Washington Post. I thought it looked like my COBRA insurance would cost $19 more than my rent every month, but I wasn't sure. This helps.
Caution when crossing the street is the new health insurance.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
More People I Know Getting Mugged
...and in all the most perfect places (a.k.a. Portland and Brooklyn). It seems, based on my survey of two people, that more and more unarmed amateurs are mugging small amounts of cash from nice looking 22 year olds. They also swipe phones and ipods, and they WON'T give you your SIM card. Be forewarned. It's a recession.
...and in all the most perfect places (a.k.a. Portland and Brooklyn). It seems, based on my survey of two people, that more and more unarmed amateurs are mugging small amounts of cash from nice looking 22 year olds. They also swipe phones and ipods, and they WON'T give you your SIM card. Be forewarned. It's a recession.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Man Persecuted for Recessiotarian Diet
This guy was just trying to follow the rules. No meat unless it's free? He's got it. Plus petty theft is cool in 2009, and he had the foresight to predict that trend. Unfortunately, theft apparently only qualifies as "petty" if the net value of the borrowed goods is below $400. Moral of the story: steal the lobsters in one spree and the ribeye steaks in another.
May recessiotarians everywhere unite behind this bold man. "Police say he told investigators times are tough." You're goddamn right, Brian. You're goddamn right.
This guy was just trying to follow the rules. No meat unless it's free? He's got it. Plus petty theft is cool in 2009, and he had the foresight to predict that trend. Unfortunately, theft apparently only qualifies as "petty" if the net value of the borrowed goods is below $400. Moral of the story: steal the lobsters in one spree and the ribeye steaks in another.May recessiotarians everywhere unite behind this bold man. "Police say he told investigators times are tough." You're goddamn right, Brian. You're goddamn right.
2008 Worst Year Since Great Depression
(Another shocker from the ever-quick-on-the-uptake newspapers.)
(Another shocker from the ever-quick-on-the-uptake newspapers.)
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